Stop Doing Everything in your Relationship /Marriage

Written By Phoenix Coaching

The Secret to Making Him Step Up💜


(Part 2 of the Breadcrumbs in a Relationship Series)

Have you ever poured your whole heart into someone — giving, fixing, and trying harder — only to feel like the more you do, the less he does?

If that hits home, you’re not alone. Most high-achieving, self-aware women I work with have spent years thinking that if they just love harder, sacrifice more, and keep everyone happy, they’ll finally get the closeness they crave.

But here’s the hard truth: overgiving and overfunctioning don’t create intimacy — they quietly push love away.

Why Overgiving Backfires (and Why It’s Not Your Fault)

We live in a world that celebrates women who “hold it all together.” You were probably praised for being the responsible one, the caretaker, the problem-solver. That conditioning taught you that love is earned by what you do — not who you are.

So when the relationship feels off, you try harder:

  • You plan the date nights.

  • You initiate the conversations.

  • You handle the emotional labor (and the actual labor).

  • Learn how I inspired my guy to Step Up (in the video)

But instead of building connection, it can make your partner step back even more. Not because he’s a bad guy — but because overfunctioning creates an imbalance. When you carry 90% of the weight, there’s no room (or need) for him to rise.

The Cost of Carrying It All

Here’s what happens when you keep doing everything:

  • Resentment builds — You feel unappreciated, unseen, and exhausted.

  • Polarity disappears — The energy between you becomes parental instead of romantic.

  • You stop feeling desired — Because you’re always in “manager mode,” not “partner mode.”

It’s not just emotionally draining — it quietly trains your partner that he doesn’t have to invest at the same level.

How to Break the Cycle

Here’s the secret: stop doing everything. That doesn’t mean dropping every ball and walking away — it means intentionally creating space for him to step in.

  1. Notice where you’re overfunctioning.
    Make a quick “relationship inventory.” Are you always the first to text? The one who keeps the calendar, initiates talks, solves every conflict? Awareness is the first shift.

  2. Let go of control.
    This is the hardest part for my high-achieving clients — but it’s essential. Practice not jumping in to fix or rescue. Silence can feel scary at first, but it creates room for him to act.

  3. Communicate your needs clearly.
    Stop hinting or overexplaining. A simple “I’d love for you to plan our next date night” gives him a clear opportunity to show up.

  4. Sit with the discomfort.
    When you stop doing everything, it may feel like nothing is happening. Stay with it. This is where you learn if he’s capable and willing to meet you.

Crumbs vs. Real Love

Overfunctioning keeps you stuck settling for crumbs — small scraps of attention that keep you hooked but never full. Real love is mutual. It feels steady, safe, and nourishing.

You deserve someone who meets you halfway — not just when you remind him, but because he wants to.

If you’ve ever poured your whole heart into someone only to feel emptier the harder you tried… this is your wake-up call.

📌 This is Part 2 of the Breadcrumbs Series — don’t miss Part 1: Why You Keep Settling for Bread Crumbs in Love (It’s Not Your Fault).

💜 Be sure to subscribe and turn on notifications so you don’t miss the next video in the series!

Ready to Stop Overfunctioning for Good?

If you’re done doing everything in your relationship….to include the emotional labor, I can help you create real change:

👉 Work with me 1:1 and learn how to break the overgiving cycle, reclaim your energy, and inspire him to meet you in love.

🎁 Are You Doing All the Emotional Work in Your Relationship? If you’ve ever felt unseen in love — like no matter how much you give, it still doesn’t feel like enough — this quiz is for you.

Take the 60 second quiz here to uncover the hidden block that keeps you over-giving and under-receiving — and discover the first step to creating the secure, deeply fulfilling love where you’re chosen, valued, and adored.

Stop Chasing Love — Start Receiving the Devotion You Deserve

Discover the #1 Shift Smart, Successful Women Use to Feel Worthy, Magnetic, and Deeply Loved — Without Chasing, Proving, or Settling for Crumbs

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    Final Thoughts

    Being nice isn’t the problem. The problem is when “nice” means self-abandoning.
    Men don’t lose respect because you’re kind—they lose respect when your kindness comes at the expense of your boundaries, self-expression, and truth.

    The more you honor your needs, the more your man can step up and please you.

    HINT: a good man wants to please you!!

    Bonus: Discover the blocks preventing you from recieving love.

    ✨ Take the free 60-second quiz:  Mind-Blowing Love Quiz.
    Discover the blocks you have that are preventing REAL LOVE — and how to shift it.

    🎯 Bonus: After the quiz, you’ll get personalized insight and a free training to help you attract the emotionally available, soul-connected relationship you actually want.

    If you’re wondering whether your’re asking for too much or is he just unavailable?
    👉 Is He Emotionally Available—Or Just Saying the Right Things?

    You’ll learn if he is able to start meeting your needs and stop wasting any more of your precious time investing in the WRONG man!

    💖 Subscribe to the podcast for more weekly soul-nourishing relationship truths on youtube.

    Related Episodes

    If you’ve ever felt like you’re “too much” or “not enough” at the same time…
    If you’re tired of overgiving and still not getting your needs met…
    If you want a relationship where you don’t have to earn love—you just get to be loved…

    Then this episode is your starting point.

    🎧 Tap to listen now:
    👉 3 Sneaky Signs You’re Doing Too Much in Your Relationship

    ✨ And if it hits home? Share it with a friend, or drop me a DM. I love hearing what lands and tag me on IG @phoenix___coaching, Id love to hear your biggest takeaway.




    PRIVATE COACHING:  

    You deserve love that feels:

    • Safe and secure, not lonely or hot and cold

    • Steady, not like you’re always chasing

    • Soul-deep, not one-sided



      For Women:  Real love doesnt keep you guessing or confused. Ready to feel safe, seen, and secure in love?  Chat with me here: https://sabrinaphoenixcoaching.com/coach1-1

    For Men: You Don’t Have to Keep Carrying It Alone. Reconnect with your emotions, repair what’s broken, and lead from grounded strength. Chat with me here:  https://sabrinaphoenixcoaching.com/coach1-2





    Listen to Previous Episodes





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    Phoenix Coaching

    https://SabrinaPhoenixCoaching.com
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    Stop Giving Gold for Crumbs!